Not So Winter-Break DnD.

The Long Session (Directed by M. Night Shyamalan)

Ok, we decided Ehimay was on his “engagementmoon” (like honeymoon for engagement) with Oppo, and that was why he was not in attendance
He has been on it for a while now, there was a bit of time this session covered
We prepared for the invasion, and the Tsar had some encouraging words for us. Then it was the day of the invasion. We had to fight angels, but the lobster-man killed their mounts and teleported us away to his planet
There the group found caves, and decided to enter the mysterious cave. They woke up at some form of university, in “Professor Alkavov” (Helorie’s) class. It was an alternate universe and they had to try and escape it. The alternate universe was similar to our world.
The point of the alternate universe simulation was to find Sebastian. In this world he was the son of the president of the US (his real dad, Alexil) and was kidnapped by the secret service. The gang did not realize what what the point was and muddled around for a while. Monroe and VW were not BFFs in this world, and EHimay was a 20 year old man who tried to assasinate Sebastian a year or two ago.
Eventually they died in a library fire, and the simulation restarted. They eventually realized the point and found Sebbie. They returned to their own universe.
Through shenanigans, they discovered that Aaia made a race of different creatures once before, but they refused to worship her. She destroyed them and their planet, which she had called Aaia before. Then she went to the current Aaia and tried to make life there. This was before any other gods were born. The abominations are these creatures recreated by Palistar.
Also, the entire college thing was both hilarious and pointless, mostly because everyone thought Maelys was insane.
Anyway, they got back to their planet and realized it was a week later. Monroe arrived on MJR and told us the tragic news. Von Wolff had been killed in the invasion, sacrificing his life to help Monroe escape the capitol. Sebastian began to cry because VW had proposed ot him but sebbie had rejected him, telling he he would htink about it after the war.
They got back to the capitol. More tragic news. The Tsar is dead, and cannot be ressurected ever. He is really dead. I got out my fake roleplaying tears for this part. Helorie is devestated and Chrysal can’t be found. Also, Alleuia and Orred have switched which person is the deity and which one is the avatar, so Alleuia is now a god and Orred is her avatar.
The Tsar left the party leters. We read them.
A few days later Helorie summoned everyone to the palace. He has a new plot. They were going to take over Shimen and have it be part of Uldok. But since the Tsar is dead Helorie and CHrysal have enough of a trouble running the country. So the group will have to counquer the country themselves. And rule it. Helorie will help.
We were given a fortress similar to the Tardis but larger inside. Also no time travel. Not really like the Tardis at all. Maelys is ruler of the hypothetical country. Sebbie spymaster. Mike Marshal. Laurent high priest. Ehimay was given the role of Royal Assasin, because we a. thought he would like it and b. is a child and too young to do anything else really
Atl, Elian, Ulmer, Zakele, and Monroe are coming along on this adventure as various roles. We invaded the country and looked around. We conquered a bit of it and then took the capitol. Sebastian grew horns. And now we have the capitol but it’s not really the capitol. It is a small country but still growing.


I will now summarize the last few sessions very quickly.
First we had a bad party. Then we investigated clerics who may have burned down a themple with the help of their friends. Elian, the good priest twin who burned down the temple. Illiam, the evil priest twin who is the mastermind of the plan. Ulmer, the bodyguard who’s being controlled by Illiam. Jason (Aber), Monroe’s old owner and also burned down a temple. We couldnt’ do anything. We went to see the Tsar. He sent Alleuia with us. We met her and she helped us, but then we had to leave. We fought a dragon and Helorie killed it.
Session 2. The Tsar sent us to do a prison break. We broke Gala out of prison. But Mike’s mother died. OH NO!!! Also Alleuia killed Allisa (aka Scootaloo).
Session 3: We visited the Tsar’s Sekret Underwater Fortress. It was okay. Ehimay stole a ring and Helorie and Alleuia got into a slap fight. We got magic orbs.
Session 4: Ehimay died from being stabbed in the face. Sebastian cried. Now Ehimay is in hell. We had to go to a village. They were all cultists. The man was secretly a woman. We returned home, clearly thinking this adventure was too stupid.
Next, Allisa’s funeral. Orred showed up to say hi. Marie is going to music school.
Session 5: Yesterday!!!!!! We went to rob a palace. We gave it to the Tsar. We learned Aaia’s plan!!!!!!!! We think Ehimay is in hell, but being treated nicely there. Ostriches attacked. Then we found a magic gem. Now the Tsar is holding a meeting. Helorie became hideous, the Tsar got a pet stork, Sebastian’s a pretty lady and something happened to Maelys. Gertrude did terrible things. THE END!

If someone makes a summary of this and the last session they will recieve two secret questions about the sequel campaign that I will be forced to answer
fun at school

Helorie said we had to go to college to learn about the royal vaults. We did. Jack and Al disapeared into the abyss of time. Sebbie, Maelys and Ehimay continued. Ehimay shot a guy for giving him detention. Dragons tried to kill him. They didn’t.
We caught a Bandersnatch! But we killed its mom. Maelys is like the Tsar. Is this a good or bad thing? The dragons are going to attack the royal vaults to kill Helorie. Watch out guys, he’s evil. We sided with him. We learned the secret story.
Once the Tsar got his limbs chopped off. Helorie wanted to kill him but didn’t. Instead he made him fake arms. Then the Tsar pretended like it never happened.

Will someone else please summarize these sessions for once

You were sent to find out who ordered the attack. You met a clucking man. You met Atl. Everyone was awake for this part. Ehimay blew up. Sebbie was upset. We finally got there. A lady flirted with Mike. Gertrude was wanted for murder. Gertrude decided to run.
The inn was burned down. We met clucking man again. We found the head of the order. Chancellor Centehua ordered the attack. It’s all Aaia’s fault. Valista yelled at us. We are wanted for theft. We met clucking man again.
Helorie is best character. We were teleported to him. The Tsar ordered a council meeting. Maelys and Sebbie were there. Everyone talked about their feelings. Sebastian cried. A pony was eaten. We have some allies. Maelys decided how to write a thankyou note. Helorie helped her send it. The end.

The World's Worst Wedding

This summary is copied mainly from my summary to Jack, except for the parts that have happened after he left. Suprisingly, it makes more sense than most of the other summaries thus far. I will be updating the wiki in the next few days to reflect the events of this terrible wedding.

Everyone besides Michael went to the Tsar’s wedding, and he stayed at home because Wifey’s pregnant or something. The wedding was going as planned, until somebody attmempted to assasinate Chrysal, the bride. She and the wedding party beat that person into submission. So while Chrysal was being attacked, the wedding structures were attacked as well, by explosives. Many people died in the explosion, including Monroe (but he was ressurected by Maelys), and still more were killed by four assasins who picked off the survivors. One killed the children of the president of Ilko, and another one trapped their souls, effectively kidnapping them. A third killed most of the people attending sitting on the right by clouds, and the fourth attempted to kidnap Pippin (one of the Important Witches and a Bridesmaid) ‘s sister, Camellia. While Camellia was taken with her friends and a group of druids out of the garden where the wedding took place, the group was intercepted and Camellia was effectively kidnapped. After the fight, Maelys interogated the corpses. They were assasins of the Sauguine Order, and were paid by an unknown person to attempt to kill the czar, kill the President of Ilko’s children, and to kidnap Camellia. After that, they were to cause as much chaos as possible. Haimen is the country they are from, and there crime is legal with the proper paperwork. It seems so far that whoever paid for these assasins wanted to A. Make the Czar look Bad B. Manipulate the President of Ilko and possibly Pippin C. Probably due to reasons with the God-Witch War.
They also discovered that the person who paid for the assasins is from Shimen. Shimen is a group of four countires, and Haimen is the crime country. There are three others: Zhemen, the nastry country, Anmen, the religous country (Settelli/Aaia) and Laomen, the peaceful country. : Okay, so Allauia, who has been revealed to be the Avatar of Orren, and maelys raised the dead. Oh! Maelys is a dragon. So the Tsar told Maelys and the rest of the party, along with Ehimay, that they should go to Haimen and discover who paid for the assasination. After that, they realized that Camellia was missing, and they went to find her. One of the corpses (maelys has the spell: Speak With Dead) told her that they were going to kidnap Camellia.
Camellia is Pippin’s little sister, and Pippin is one of the witches that is in the war against Aaia, with the help of the Tsar and Melkar and Setttelli. They found the bodies of Camellia’s friends, Camellia and Pippin’s older brother, and some druids who tried to help them escape the wedding in a local city guard post. Camellia was nowhere to be seen, though it seems her kidnapper teleported back to the assasin headquarters. An old man, The Tsar’s adoptive father was hiding in the closet, and he told them that the kidnapper used anchient/powerful devil words when speaking. He knew this because of taking care of the Tsar when he was a baby.
Since the kidnapper was a vampire, Camilla’s friends, older brother and protective druid people would be brought back as vampires. However, Maelys decided that they should be ressurected and fed the blood of animals, as she trusts them despite their undead nature.
After this, Maelys probed too far into learning what the assasin/kidnapper said, and was struck by the power of the Dark Speech. Due to this, she craved grape jelly for about an hour. Maelys then got the nickname: Cry Pillow as Camilla’s friend were the next people to cry on her.
She then decided to go talk to the Tsar with Alleuia and Sebastian. It was revealed he knew about Monroe’s troubles, but more then even Monroe knew. Instead of Monroe’s theory that it would kill him, like it kills animals, it would only make him stronger after a short period of weakness. The party also discovered that the Tsar was the wizard manipulating Scula to be a bitch, and it was so that Monroe and Scula would have to stay together and he would gain those powers. Maelys resisted a strong urge to slap the Tsar for being an asshole, and Sebastian went to talk to Monroe. Everyone comforted Monroe, who only cried a little this time. Von Wolff actually said something, which was very exciting!! Monroe attempted to rationlaize the Tsar’s behavior towards him more than he should have, but that’s kind of Monroe’s personality/coping mechanism. Scula suddenly arrived! She revealed that the Tsar was actually somewhat wrong about what would happen to Monroe in an even more exciting/awkward way! Each god has a special follower, called an Exarch, who gains special powers due to their relationship with the deity, the most important being immortality. Each god attracts an Exarch in the first few months of their existence, but if an Exarch is destroyed, a god can choose a new one. An exarch must be destroyed in a certain way, different for each one- if an Exarch just dies, it will return to its god’s side, and be able to be sent out again. If you’re stupid, this is what Monroe is to Scula now.
Scula feels terrible about the way she treated him, and the fact that her mind was manipulated by the Tsar, and Monroe is hesitant to befriend Scula after her months of terrible treatment. But Monroe is one of her most powerful weapons in a metaphorical way, making this situation more awkward. However, perhaps it will resolve itself by the time you return from Shimen.
Scula explained the situation to her friends during the wedding party, and Chrysal was furious at her husband of all of two hours. But eventually she forgave him, as he probably genuinely felt bad about it now that everyone’s like “OMG TSAR YOU HORRIBLE”. The Tsar attempted to make it up to Maelys, as he’s also somewhat impressed that she stood up to him. Tomorrow you’ll go to Shimen.
…If anyone’s interested, I’m going to be attempting to clean up the chat log if you’d like to read this in person. ((By clean up I mean remove all the off-topic, out of character discussion)).


We had a break to have a mini-adventure. Ehimay arrived- he’s Mel’s babbu. He is an adorable gunslinger/spellsage with a special relationship with Oppo. He was hired by Chrysal to help her take care of her animals before the wedding. Gertrude and Sebastian arrived, because Gertrude wanted to check out Chrysal’s lovely ponies, and Sebastian figured he’d tag along because he had nothing better to do.
There was one pony currently in the stable, and it was adorable. There were also some doves, ostriches, and probably some rabbits and a pig or a cow or something. As Ehimay brushed the adorable pony, Scula and Monroe randomly arrived. The animals were very scared of Scula. She went to look at the pony, which was terrified of her. Scula attempted to calm down the pony with magic, but only made the situation worse. Meanwhile, Monroe had a nosebleed, which multiple people mistook for an aneurysm.
The pony began to grow terrifyingly, and even Mel’s attempts to handle the animal did not work. Suddenly, Scula decided to look at the ostriches, which were also afraid of her. The pony almost bit Ehimay. Scula accidentally killed both of the ostriches with lightning, and Ehimay got really pissed at her. Scula left, but not before Monroe became unconscious and she had to drag him out of the room.
Suddenly, the pony finished growing to enormous size, and the ostriches sprung to life, covered in electricity. Ehimay shot the pony, four bullets entering the poor animal as it let out a last feeble neigh. Sebastian shot the ostriches. Gertrude was somewhat useless in such a close space. Rakin was almost killed by lightning bolts. Chrysal arrived and was upset at first, then upset at Scula when she found out what happened. They decided to go confront Scula because of her attitude, mistreatment of Monroe and others, and reckless magic. The cause of these behaviors is currently unknown.
Outside of Scula’s room, Monroe was lying down, his sleeve covered in blood. Despite the fact that he was having a nosebleed when he left and kleenex hasn’t been invented yet, they thought that meant he had killed himself. He hadn’t. He told everyone about his problems, and let them see his report on Scula. They decided not to talk to her directly, and get the other gods involved. Monroe insinuated things about Alleiua. The god they chose to contact is Orred. We decided that Gertrude probably had a spell that would do that, as she is a wizard. Everyone was very polite to him. They then ended the session as everyone was getting sleepy.


You had to find a staff to make Scula a goddess. Sebastian’s a tiefling. You found the staff. A sad angel came with you. Scula turned into a goddess. Melkar and Settelli explained nothing. You explained everything. Now sad angel is Scula’s angel bro. Scula had to find Terrimev, god of creepiness. She did. You met him too, but weren’t impressed. Scula returns in an avatar form to the country. Beatrice I still need the name of it. Jack has a wife. Now the Czar wants you to work for him and is giving you funds for a house. You get ribbons too. Scula and her fellow witch-ponies are discussing their next move. 99% of this summary was the last 30 minutes. the end.


After spending at least 29 hours creating characters, we eventually sat down to play. You have been forced by the king of Atil to visit the lands across the sea, and see what you could see. He also gave you some money for… yes, that’s right, shopping. Hurray?
You decided to visit the marketplace. Gertrude and Sebastian started flirting. Suddenly, Malise was stabbed by an old dwarven women. We killed her, her friends, and even her goat, Goatsy. Continuing on, the town guard didn’t care. You boarded the ship at nightfall, after having bought nothing. Congratulations, you win at shopping.
Getting on the boat, not much happened for three days. Gertrude and Sebastian became archrivals in romance and character derailment, and eventually we encountered some pirates. Gertrude killed them all. I sobbed.
The pirates killed the captain, but it was okay, because I was railroading you guys on this stupid adventure anyways. Eventually you encountered these super high tech magick people, including Vladimir, Captain of the SS Boat. Melkar said he was ok to trust.
You arrived at the city, which was magic. Turns out the Czar is a tiefling. Oh snap. His girlfriend is Fluttershy. Together they’re angry at the gods, but the gods are angry at them, too. It sort of balances out. Turns out Melkar and Setelli didn’t kill Twilight Sparkle. Now you have to go on a quest to discover a magick staff and kill some things. I am writing them as I speak. In this adventure, everyone will have at least ten million hit points and never roll 2s. EVER
Soon, one of you three will add a character journal, which will make this look awkward. However, that’s the point of character journals. So I can skip all the long bits where Beatrice met some other oracle and became BFFJILLS with her, and they talked about their mysteries and exchanged fashion tips and didn’t even noticed as the Slenderman devoured a whole live child. That’s for Beatrice to do.


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