Not So Winter-Break DnD.
Partial Jailbreak Log
Welcome to the edited version of the chat log. This has none of the BS, but also none of the combats because really does it matter if Gertrude cast fireball or scorching ray. EVERYONE BETTER LOVE ME FOR DOING THIS. I EDITED YOUR MISSPELLINGS. I BOLDED YOUR NAMES. I EVEN MADE YOUR WORDS MAKE SENSE.
This log is extremely patchy because we were still trying text-chat.
We start out in the middle of the prison session, before we gave up talking to each other. If it seems patchy, that’s why.
Chrysanthemum: "Are you my son, Mikael? You look like him, but what are you doing here?’
Mikael: ”im a guard DUH that’s why I’m here like that’s obvious”
Chrysanthemum: She frowns at you. “I always thought you would do something better than working in this evil place”
Mikael: “Um since when am I your son um wut lol that’s crazy”
Chrysanthemum: She raises an eyebrow at you. "Sorry. I must have mistaken you for him.” She goes to feed the prisoners more gruel.
Sebastian Nesline: He frowns at Mike, clearly missing his own father.
Mikael: Alright whatevz my mom can’t know I’m here we need to just go
LEAVE NOW ON THE TOUR
Guard: “So, uh, do you want to continue on the tour?” says the guard lady. She shows you the maginficent bathrooms
Mikael: YES THANK U
Guard: “These baths clenase all impurities and need to use the bathroom for a day.”
Chrysanthemum: She is legitly staring at you.
Gertrude Blunderdoof: Ay pretty thang, wanna get in this tub with me? c:
Guard: One guard shoves a priosner into the tub, forcing him down.
Mikael: OMG GERTRUDE DIE NOW THAT’S MY MOM I mean uh a lady
Chrysanthemum: She randomly pulls your shirt down to reveal your birthmark. “MIKE!”
Mikael: NO LEGGO NOW YALL
Chrysanthemum: She sighs. "No, Mike, come with me. We need to talk.”
Gertrude Blunderdoof: You pull down his shirt and not mine, wanna see my birthmark?
Gertrude Blunderdoof: bzzzzzzzz
Mikael: whoaaaaaa beeladies guys to immediate groupWUT BUT MOOOOM k hai mom wassap
Gertrude Blunderdoof: anyone wanna come in here with me?
Chrysanthemum: “Mike what are you doing here?”
Mikael: “GERTRUDE STFU sorry mom um I er wanna take up yo line of work”
Chrysanthemum: She stares at you, then casts a spell. ”Are you telling the truth?"
Mikael: NO IM A FIGMENT OF YOURE FREAKING IMAGINATION
Chrysanthemum: She grabs you as only a mother can.
Chrysanthemum: “NO YOUNG MAN YOU AR GOING TO TELL ME WHAT YOU ARE DOING HERE”
Mikael: I’m just a really good hallucination
Chrysanthemum: “I thought I raised you better than this”
Mikael: “i’m a spy from Russia (Uldok) duh BUT RLLY MOM DO WE NEED 2 DO DIS NOW OR”
Chrysanthemum: She stares at you. “That’s actually correct. Are you here to destroy this place?”
Mikael: “I WAS JOKING YOU ASSBUTT naw man i aint gon’ destroy no 1”
Chrysanthemum: “young man i cast discern lies on you”
Mikael: “ok fine um we are gonnaaaaa be in this prison and um yeah we’re gonna be here no we don’t im a full grown man who dont need no momma in his life oh imma be a dad btw Gertrude gtho”
((Editor’s note: It’s only two pages in and I already have problems understanding what the characters are saying. This is going to be a loooong edit.))
Chrysanthemum: “What? I thought I taught you better than that! did you at least propose to her?”
Mikael: “IM MARRIED POOPFACE”
Chrysanthemum: “WHAT How come you never told me, dear”
Mikael: “because yolo”
Chrysanthemum: Your mother sighs. "Well Mike you’re expectable as always.”
Mikael: “So mom um HOW HAVE YOU BEEN WHY ARE YOU HERE LOL”
Chrysanthemum: “I have to stay in this terrible place.”
Mikael: “lol y y doe”
Chrysanthemum: “Aaia forced all the gods to send angels here.”
Mikael: “um y dats stoopid lol”
Chrysanthemum: “Yes, I agree.” She ignores british people.
((I don’t remember what this was about.))
Mikael: “no y doe”
Chrysanthemum: “Because she has…. dun dun dun dun the witch of chaos here”
Mikael: “WHAT DOES THAT MEAN so the witch is here soooooooo? why do you need angels”
Chrysanthemum: “A prison riot!” Mike, Let’s go!"
Gertrude Blunderdoof: “HOLY SHIT LETS GO!”
FIGHTSCENE. A prison riot breaks out. We are able to control it.
Best line of the fight: (From Me) Gosh digally darn I swear to heck that whoever drew that mustache will be cut
Chrysanthemum: “Mike, why are you really here son?”
Mikael: “YES IM HERE IN DA FLESH LOL GET IT FLESH ba doom chhhh OH to be here and do something” I tell her erythang. “OMG COME WITH US U CAN B PART OF OUR CLAAAAAN. I WILL RESCUE YOU GURL I LUV U PINKIE”
FUN WITH WHISPERS
yolo: w gm al is so dumb and omg he’s just a pony and a lemonhead legit no one even likes him as a pet even he’s just ra ra ra corn dogs
Al: w gm so you’re almost here, right? you got the knife to slit jack’s throat
yolo: w gm omg caroline is such a jerkface zomg she’s like bloop bleep blop cranberry applesauce like zomg poop
My favorite part is how Jack was supposedly going to whisper that to me.
FIGHT: We go to rescue Pinkie Pie/Gala. We are able to save her.
REPRINTED: “Helpful timps”
Okay here are some tips to make combat go faster for everyone!
First: Make Marcos of all your main attacks. I will help you if you need to.
GM (GM): Second: Learn how your main spells work.
Third: Really, legitimately read this page. It’s not as long as I thought it was, and there were pictures. If you’re lazy you can stop at combat modifers.
Four: Plan what you’re going to do while other people are going. Be sure to have a backup in case whatever they do invalidates what you were going to do.
Five: Please don’t mess with the drawing tools, the intitiatve tracker, your display name or your health bar. It only serves to distract and enrage me. Plus, if I need to recalculate inititiative (say another creature enters the fight or someone does something like delaying or casting a spell to change it) I can’t! Also what if I whisper to the wrong person because you changed your name? What now?
Six: Remember: The longer you talk off-topic the longer you will be here.
Seven: GET A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP BEFORE THE SESSION. I HAVE SAID THIS MUTLIPLE TIMES AND AM SAYING IT YET AGAIN. PLEASE.
BACK TO THE PLOT!
GM (GM): You are now in the prison. One cell ceiling-door has been proped open, the one containing Gala. What you do?
Maelys Trishar punches Mike in the face.
Chrysanthemum does not look happy about that.
Maelys Trishar goes over to Gala. “We’re here to bust you out, lessgo”
Chrysanthemum: “Jack, is she your wife?”
Gala looks at you as if she can suddenly see you. “You’re here to rescue me? THat’s so exciting! Thanks so much! I’m going to have to throw you a party once we get out of here!”
Gala: You notice that she is wearing a straitjacket and a headband of unknown usage.
Mikael “k gala leggo”
Gala: She is wearing a straitjacket and the door is at the top of the cell. How do you expect this to work?
Mikael: yolo swag huney bunz soooooooooooooooo lets ride on maelys kk
GM (GM): Ok, wait for her.Or you could carry her up. You are pretty strong. Or Sebastian could get Rakin to do it.
Maelys Trishar is a dragon!!
GM (GM): Oh okay
Maelys Trishar can lift people up
GM (GM): Mike, help her on Maelys’s back
Maelys Trishar turns into a dragon
GM (GM): You are the strongest.
Mikael helps get her on her back
Gertrude Blunderdoof is a gnome
Mikael: K AND GO GALA
Maelys Trishar is sitting on Gala or something, who knows.
Mikael: wtf pinkie pie stay on her back
Maelys Trishar: MIKE GET OFF MAH BACK
Maelys Trishar: WAIT WINDWALK GO
Mikael: GO MAELYS GO NOW
GM (GM): That does not work inside a building.
Maelys Trishar: WINDWALK GO MEGA ULTRA NOOOOOO
GM (GM): Also, wait.
Mikael: just get out and then do it #duh
TERRIBLE MOMENTS IN GMING 1: Forgetting antimagic zones!
GM (GM): I just said this was the antimagic holding cell, but everyone was using magic OMG LOL
GM (GM): All that magic wasn’t real It was fake magic But I’m not going to admit it
Guard: The guard meets you at the stairs. “Why are the prisoners out?”
Mikael: “Oh my goodness they escaped! Man we suck at this”
Guard: Suddenly, another angel runs to her. “These aren’t real angels! They’re imposters!”
FIGHT: Mikael’s mother dies. Mike gives negative shits about this. We win and run towards the door.
Lots of funny things happened with Mike in this fight. Here are some of them.
GM (GM): You can’t use smite evil on thigns that aren’t evil.
after Sebastian uses a drop of devil blood to cast infernal healing, greater
Mikael: aw man so he’s a devil
GM (GM): NO SOUP TENIZN
Maelys Trishar: Jack is a moron
GM (GM): We all forgot Sebbie was a tielfing
He never revealed that in a emo times
Gertrude, you are fabulous
Gertrude Blunderdoof: IMMA DO SOMETHING I SHOULDVE DONE LONG AGO!
Gertrude Blunderdoof: I USE MY FOX’S CUNNING EXTRACT ON MIKE TO MAKE HIM NOT AN IDIOT
GM (GM): You feel as if you have done something useless as your pour the extract on Mike. Mike?
Mikael: someone heal me now
GM (GM): You’re in this room. You can hear something outside.How long do you want to wait in this room?
Mikael says “wtf is that yo”
Maelys Trishar: 4 years
Mikael says “lets wait for 5 years jk idk man”
GM (GM): Let’s just say we wait a minute. So that Sebastian’s spell heals you up.
Mikael: wait till the noise is gone?
GM (GM): Now Pretty lady will cast another one.
Mikael: I STARE AT THE DOOR FOR 3 SECONDS
GM: The door is made of adamantine and magical force barriers. It is very pretty.
Mikael: IS THE DOOR EVIL OR NOT
GM (GM): ITS A FLIPPING DOOR
Mikael: ok : ) i’m satisfiedddddd
Maelys Trishar: I cast Cure Light Wounds on Sebbie
GM (GM): He says thanks.
GM (GM): He also helps get Mike’s fake wings off, since he has real ones now.
Maelys Trishar: I try to get Gala’s straightjacket off, with my claws I guess. Careful not to hurt her though.
GM (GM): The material is very strong, and there’s a lock on it. The key might be in the pile of stuff that Mike’s mom left when she died. Only her body turned into blue sparkle glitter to go back to Kalev.
Maelys Trishar looks through the pile of stuff.
GM (GM): There’s armor, a flaming sword, a helmet, various keys, and a holy symbol of Kalev.
Maelys Trishar tries the keys one after another. Maelys Trishar puts the rest of the loot in the Bag of Holding.
GM (GM): You finally find a key that fits in the lock, but you feel an electric jolt, roll a reflex save.
Maelys Trishar: Ughhhh
GM (GM): Okay, you miss the electric shock as the straitjacket opens. She does’nt, and is now unconcious. You can take the jacket off now. She is still wearing a mysterious headband.
Maelys Trishar takes the jacket off. Maelys Trishar asks the others, “Should I try to remove the headband?”
Sebastian Nesline looks at it. “It looks like it’s somehow attached to her hair.”
Maelys Trishar is a dragon, so her uses her claws to carefully cut the headband off.
GM (GM): It comes off very easily.
Sebastian goes to the door and looks through it. “There’s someone outside.”
Maelys Trishar puts the headband in her Bag of Holding for now.
GM (GM): A few moments after you remove the headband from her, Gala is swept up by a wave of light green magic.
GM (GM): She vanishes.
GM (GM): You remember the Tsar mentioning that he was somehow able to monitor if she was able to be ressurected. You feel as if she has been ressurected.
Maelys Trishar: Mahvelous. What the crap does that mean? Wasn’t she alive?
GM (GM): No, she was dead. This was her soul.
Maelys Trishar: Oh well Mahvelous again
GM (GM): She’s now been ressurected in the real world.
Maelys Trishar: Okay everyone, get on my back and I’ll start casting Wind Walk
GM: Did you forget the part where the walls are made of force fields?
Maelys Trishar: Once we go through the door we can whisk ourselves away at 60 mph, once we go through the door to the outside world. We can flyyyyy!
GM: Okay, once you get past the prison wall gates.
GM: i added the gate in green.
Maelys Trishar goes out the stupid door
GM: There’s a dude out there. He is an extrmely large, intimidating looking angel with various scars on his body. Someone knowledge religon.
GM: This is the Scar of Orred, one of Orreds most famous angels. His powers increase by the pain done to him.
The Scar of Justice: He holds up his sword. “Evildoers, submit! You may have set the Witch of Chaos free, but you can still redeem yourselves!”
Gertrude Blunderdoof: “And why should we trust a guy named scar?”
Mikael: “how will we “redeem ourselves” buckaroo?”
The Scar of Justice: “Come with me! Orred will judge you!”
The Scar of Justice: He has his back to the gate.
Gertrude Blunderdoof whispers to everyone: Lets just hop into my magical mansion
The Scar of Justice: He is legitly right in front of this gate dumplass
The Scar of Justice: THERE ARE FORCE FIELD WALLS SURROUNDING YOU EVEN ON THE “CEILING” Even if most of this prison is poorly designed, this part isn’t.
Mikael says “wassup scar of justice”
The Scar of Justice: He stares at Gertrude like she is mentally ill. “Wizard, what are you trying to do?”
Gertrude Blunderdoof: “I have no idea scar, I’m just chilling here minding my own business”
The Scar of Justice stares at the party. “Will you come with me willingly, or will I have to drag you to Orred’s palace myself?”
Gertrude Blunderdoof throws explosive poisonous bombs! YOU MAD BRO?
A FIGHT AGAINST SCAR. WE WIN.
GM (GM): With evaporative golden light, he vanishes. You are able to get through the gate and to the boat back to the portal.
Rakin was finally useful.
Maelys Trishar: Can we get rid of poison cloud first?
GM (GM): Yeah, wait for it to disapperate
Mikael: kk mane leggo back to teh czar!
GM (GM): Okay, now it’s gone. Sebastian has stopped cutting himself but is still ugly.
Sebastian Nesline puts his scarf around his head. “Don’t look at me.”
Mikael says “boi y u sad mane”
Maelys Trishar casts Tap Inner Beauty
Sebastian Nesline: Now Maelys is prettier, Were you attempteing to make Sebastian jealous?
Maelys Trishar: lol can I not cast it on Sebbie
Sebastian Nesline: You arrive back at the palace just in time to see Alleuia stabbing Scootaloo through the chest with a magic sword. Good game everyone! I gotta go pack for my dads now.
BOnus note: If this was a TV show, this would be the finale of season 1. There are three more seasons, but the last two are much shorter.
Maelys Trishar: ….o_o